I Hope I Don’t Jinx This…

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I don’t want to ruin this moment by bragging too much but tonight is the first night I actually feel confident that I’m not totally ruining this whole mother thing. All new moms… hell probably all moms feel at one time or another that they suck a big one and fail horribly at being a good parent. But tonight as Orion slept sweetly in the center of our bed, tuckered out and full if Mommy’s milk I was able to sneak off and wash bottles and put away his freshly washed clothes and tidy up before bed (I even nabbed a bowl of butter almond ice cream…yum). I was struck with a realization and took notice of my lack of panic inside. I wasn’t running around like a crazy woman as my baby screamed because I put him down to pee. I used to only have blissful moments when I nursed him. Looking down at his cherub cheeks and mess of curly hair as he sighed and cooed was my Mecca. But slowly I can feel more Mecca-like moments trickle in as Orion gets a little bigger and happier sitting in his bouncy chair gazing at the purple hippo and orange lion dangling from his mobile or staring at the shadows the trees make on the walls through the midday light or watching me dance around trying to entertain him as I make myself breakfast. It is inevitable, a little sad but also trilling that my little Cookie is slipping out of his newborn phase and slowly entering infancy. Which means I get to slip out of the crazed new mom phase and slowly into motherhood.

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