Occasionally one of us turns to the other and confides calmly, “I can’t believe we got married.” Is that normal? It’s not that we’re in shock that we’re together – that was inevitable since the day we met. But it’s more the shock that we made it so official and that our lives are now interlocked and fused together.
Like the “Oh yea” moment when I have to remind him that his money is mine too. Or the confession he made to me that he feels a much deeper sense of responsibility for me now that I’m his wife. Or the “if” turning to “when” on the topic of children (still a lifetime away, however). There is definitely a heaviness associated with this new reality in which we now walk. Not a heaviness like being held under water or smothered by a pillow. But the heaviness of your covers on a cold winter night, or the heaviness of a well-cooked meal settling in your stomach. I am satisfied with my life now more than ever because I sleep beside the man I’ve given my life to, the man who’s given the same to me.
I used to scoff at this kind of arrangement. For a while I even convinced myself that monogamy as a whole was for the birds. Why tie yourself down to one person forever? Blech! …But then you dive into the dating world in New York and you remember – ah-ha!…it ain’t so great out there all alone. The smartest thing my husband ever did in our relationship (besides propose) was to tell me – during our brief intermission – that it was OK to see other people. I went on a few dates, each one mirroring the last. It wasn’t that these guys were bad people, they were nice in their own right. But I found myself wondering why was I trying to figure out a completely new person when I had one figured out already? It started to dawn on me that I had this amazing man who loved me deeper than anyone I’ve ever met, who I was totally amazed by, who I already knew (because he was my best friend) and who would give the world up and create a scriptless life with me. I found someone who already had one of the most unique qualities in the world – he wanted the same kind of life I did.
There are cons, like every thing in life, but those are far outweighed by the pros. I know I’m still a junior at this – and some people are thinking “Check Miss Thing out in 10 years and see how she feels.” Well boo to the skeptics, because I’m down for all of it despite my rose colored outlook. I shook a little bit as I repeated my vows 28 days ago; not because I was afraid of what they meant, but because I embraced them with such determination. I don’t think about tomorrow too much because I no longer focus on the future (I’ve learned to focus on each moment as they happen). But I do see us shifting slowly and settling into new roles, and I fall in love with us both over an over, every day.