Embracing Life and All It’s ‘F*ck It’ Moments…

Facing my future – in a bikini.

If pregnancy has taught me anything it’s that I am not in control over a single thing except my own perspective.  Life doesn’t just give us ups and downs – it IS the ups and downs.  We can expect to be facing as many trials and tribulations as we will be facing moments of bliss and utter happiness.  Some say, it’s only because of the darkness that we’re even able to see the light.  Whatever metaphor rocks your boat – let’s just say, I’m getting the drift (finally).

I used to feel like in order for my life to be fulfilled it had to go a certain way.  A and B would take place and lead to C and D and E would follow.  I invested so much energy into that tried and true pattern that anything that came along and fluffed my feathers was quickly dismissed or fretted over.  I’ve never had to be patient for anything.  When jobs got boring, I quit them.  When cities got boring I moved.  When boyfriends got boring….well you get the point.  But you can’t walk away from or even pause the tape when it comes to becoming a mother.  Nature has you in the driver’s seat with one foot strapped to the gas pedal and two hands strapped to the wheel.  You’re going to be there and all you can do in the mean time is wait and be that ever-haunting “P” word…patient.  Ugh.

So patience isn’t so bad after all.  At least I’ve had plenty of time to figure a few things out about myself.  In fact I’d say the past two and a half trimesters have taught me more about myself than the past 28 years.  Maybe its just my time to grow up.  Or maybe it’s nature’s way of smoothing a woman out into a mother.  Either way I know that I have to stand by my convictions and put aside my fears and for the love of all that is holy – I need to let life take it’s time with me.  Because whether it’s in this life or the next, all we really have is time.

 

If we are facing in the right direction,

all we have to do is keep on walking.

-Proverb

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