There are so many things I want for this year. Three months in and already I see and feel them begin to materialize.
I finished the forward to the book/project I’ve been planning to start for…well….too long. To know that it’s completed and saved to the desktop of my Mac is like knowing I have changed the course of something.
I find myself aligned with the universe and with nature in so many ways right now. As the clouds begin to lift in New York and the sun creeps out, and I leave our brownstone with just a sweater over my arms and my big round sunglasses on my face…I also feel my body shift. I’m not sick all day anymore. Now I can enjoy this little miracle growing inside me. And during every moment in the day that isn’t occupied by people, or things I am mentally bonding with my child (hand over womb).
Next Saturday I’m cutting my hair. Not as a sign of “UGH I want change” but as a clean starting point. My natural roots have grown out and every time I shower and look in the mirror to see these amazing hills and valleys that live on my head only to be weighed down by straightened ends….I just know it’s time tolet go.
The most mitigating change that’s taking place is my last day at work. Friday I walk out of that building for the very last time and don’t ever have to return. I allowed that place to represent so much. My failures, my dependency, my fears. I took the money gig because I felt I have to, but I know that there are very few things in life we have to do. I am not that person. The one sitting at her desk nodding and censoring herself for co-workers, abiding by corporate policy. Today as I walked through the forest of blue or grey suits and carefully matched Ann Taylor separates in my Target skirt, vintage jewelry and highlighter yellow scarf – my worn in leather loafers clicking against the cold marble floors…I took each loaded glance as a compliment.
My husband and I are packing our stuff and driving back to our mother-state, California. I want to chronicle this trip with pictures and video – a project I haven’t yet formulated in my mind completely, but that I want to develop into something amazing. Our story, the beginning.
More to come!